So, you all thought it was funny when I was calling out the men-folk, eh? Well ladies (specifically cookie ladies) let see how you like it when you’re in my cross-hairs. I’m curious if this interest in our partner’s obsession is mutual? Let’s take a bit of a pop-quiz, shall we? For the sake of this experiment, I shall be used to represent my fellow widowers, and you shall be used to represent you, the cookiers.
I know the difference between icing and glaze. Do you know the difference between cover 1 and cover 2 defenses? If you think this is a math problem, just give up now. I think your KitchenAid is calling.
I know that when my wife refers to a 1, 0, and 00 she isn’t talking about clothing sizes, but PME tips. When I complain that we have too many turnovers, do you assume someone has a weakness for puff pastry?
If I mention Sam, Will and Mike. . . are you thinking Linebackers? Or did you think Sam’s Club, "Wil-ton" and Mike from Semi Sweet?
I don’t giggle when I hear “baker’s rack” “wet on wet” or “I need to wash my tips”. Do you sigh when I try to explain why the zone blocking scheme isn’t effective against that defense?
I know of every store that carries CK Meringue powder within 100 square miles. Do you know the difference between the shotgun and the pistol? (Yes, they’re both guns. Yes, I’m still talking about football. You know you’re just proving my point here, right?)
Ok gals, how did you do? I’m sure some of you scored quite well. Others stopped reading this and jumped to Sugarbelle’s blog.
Amy scored a 0.
That’s ok. We love you anyway.
Note from Amy: I think my score should be a .5, not a zero. I do know what a turnover is in football. But when I explained my answer to Mike, he was getting all technical on me and I stopped listening.
(This is satire, but I’m serious)
On behalf of my wife and my children, I sincerely thank you for supporting our family business. My wife enjoys creating these wonderful cookies and while the financial side of the business is certainly necessary, the emotional reaction is equally important. The ooh’s and ahh’s, the declaration of brilliance and wonderment. Shrieks of excitement, mutterings of awe…these are all like emotional currency to my wife. These are direct deposits to her soul. I think some positive emotional feedback is important to any artist. And almost to a woman, every female customer gives this currency out and spares non-figurative expense. While there are varying degrees, it’s almost always there.
This is where I turn the tone of my letter. There is almost an anti-climactic aura to a customer delivery if I know in advance that “Her husband is picking them up”. So in other words some guy, who would likely rather be doing something else, is going to spend money out of his pocket, likely to purchase cookies for a party he either doesn’t want to attend, or isn’t allowed to. So, you can imagine that there will be no squeals of delight when the goods are unveiled. No pomp and circumstance. No praise, no hands over the mouth/excited clap reactions.
Gentlemen, I need you to step up your game. If your wives’ reacted with an “Oh, that’s nice” to you in the bedroom, it wouldn’t go over so well, would it? So, at your next cookie pickup, if you have to imagine that my wife is handing you a 12-pack, or a pizza or whatever spins your dials, please do. And ladies, we’ll work with you on your schedule to make sure you are taking delivery, not him. Perhaps we’ll investigate an “Enthusiasm Surcharge” for when husbands pick up. $10 maybe.
So in closing, again, I thank you. We hope you enjoy the confectionary art work you are receiving. And we hope you order again. But remember ladies, if you’re sending your husband to take delivery, have them perk up some. We’ll all have a better day for it.
The Cookie Widower